Greg Costikyan loves taking the piss out of his fellow gamers. He skewered the mentality underlying most hack-and-slash gamers with Violence: The Roleplaying Game of Egregious and Repulsive Bloodshed. He also took on the post-holocaust genre with this short gem.
The Realistic After-the-Holocaust Game
Design: Greg Costikyan
Development: Joe Balkoski, John M. Ford, and Nick Quane
(1.0) The 90-Minute War Table
1-4 You survive the first strike; roll on table 2.0.
5-6 You are killed in the fireball.
(2.0) Fallout Table
1-5 You survive the fallout with only minor radiation sickness; roll on table 3.0.
6 You are killed by the radiation.
(3.0) Collapse of Civilization Table
1-3 You survive the collapse of the food distribution network, the marauding bands, etc.; roll on table 4.0.
4-6 You die at the hands of looters, from starvation, etc.
(4.0) Nuclear Winter Table
1-6 A cloud of dust encircles the globe. Global temperatures drop by several degrees. Most plant life dies because it does not receive enough light. The glaciers advance. All animals larger than the rat become extinct. You die.
(5.0) Optional New Jersey Rule
If you live in New Jersey, add one to all die-rolls.
(6.0) Optional Breathing Rule
Each time you take a breath, mark off one breath box. When all six boxes have been marked off, you are dead.
For some reason, after-the-holocaust games seem real popular right now. Why is beyond me; I can think of few more depressing environments in which to live. In addition, most such games are patently ludicrous; a few years after a full-scale nuclear exchange, nothing will be left by the rats and the roaches. However, I might as well cash in on the trend, too.
Coming Soon from Costikyan Publishing Empire
RAT AND ROACH WAR
The sequel to Nuclear Winter